Sometimes you’ve got to say no, and that’s often a good thing. But when it comes to actually doing it, you might find yourself rewriting the first line of your email 20 times. Or you might leave a draft open and revisit it again and again, struggling to find the courage to hit send in case it comes across too harsh or sounds like you’re disinterested.
Saying no in emails is a copywriting problem, and we can use basic principles of good writing to solve it. So how can we say no in a clear, respectful, and professional manner?
Start by saying ‘no’
Good writing should start with the most important part. In this case, the whole purpose of writing your email is to say no to something, so hop to it! Before you write anything else, write exactly what you mean, in plain English.
For the person reading your email, it helps to understand the purpose of the communication up front. It can frustrate them even more if they’ve got to read a novel’s worth of polite nothings, excuses and explanations before getting to the point, especially if they’ve been waiting for an answer.
Don’t worry about any greetings or asking about the weather at this stage. We’ll build the rest of the email around this starting point.
“Yeah ok,” I hear you saying, “but what do I actually write?”
Words you can use to say ‘no’
There’s a whole spectrum of phrases you can use depending on how well you know the person, how warm or polite you want to be, and whether you’re open to further negotiation. Over time you’ll develop your own go-to phrases for saying no, but here are some examples to get you started. Whatever way you go, remember to respect your recipient by being direct.
- “I’m going to have to say no.”
- “I can’t do [request] for you.”
- “I’m going to pass on [opportunity].”
- “I won’t be able to help with [request].”
- Simon Cowell style for a bit of humour: “It’s a no from me.”
I know, I know, by itself these sound a bit abrupt. We’re not done yet.
“It’s a No from me”
Optional: Add an apology at the end of your ‘no’
You’ll probably want to pop a “sorry” on the end of whichever sentence you chose, or a similar straightforward way of expressing regret. Of course, you don’t have to do so if you don’t actually regret it.
- “I’m going to have to say no, sorry.”
- “Unfortunately, I won’t be able to help with your event.”
You could also soften the sentence by adding “at this time”, or “as it stands”, but only if you’d seriously consider changing your mind in the future.
- “I’m going to have to say no at this time.”
- “As it stands, I’m going to have to pass.”
Optional: Give a reason
Give a brief and honest reason for your inability to fulfill the request. This helps the recipient understand your situation and can also prevent follow-up emails or calls asking for clarification. You don’t need to provide too much detail or make excuses. Be concise and specific.
- “I have another commitment that day.”
- “I’m not the best person to help you with this.”
- “My team are flat-tack at the moment.”
- “The quote is too expensive.”
- “We’ve accepted another proposal.”
Optional: Offer alternatives
If you’re interested in continuing the discussion or giving the recipient another opportunity, get the ball rolling by offering alternatives. This can save some back-and-forth in which they repeatedly pitch scenarios to you that are never going to work. It also shows that you are willing to help, and you’re still invested in the sender’s request.
This might be an alternative solution, or suggesting someone else who could help. Again, be as specific as possible – saying “Let’s reschedule” without offering viable times just invites more unnecessary communication.
- “Perhaps we could reschedule for another day? I’m available on Tuesday at 10am.”
- “I recommend you reach out to my colleague Manaia, who has more expertise in this area.”
- “If you can knock $1000 off the quote, we would reconsider.”
Optional: Add politeness at the beginning and end
Now you’ve got the bones of your email together, you’ve said what you need to say and you can worry about the fluff. Often you’ll get to this point and realise you don’t actually need as much fluff as you thought – respectful, well-written messages can stand on their own merits.
In saying that, it’s absolutely ok to add in some polite language, especially if you’re communicating with someone you don’t know well. Just follow a few guidelines.
Dear/hello/hi
You should include a “To” line to be respectful, unless this is someone you communicate with very often and you don’t usually include this. Use the same method you usually would with this person. They’ll think it’s weird if you suddenly say “Dear Tom” instead of “Hi Tom” just because you’ve got bad news.
Asking about the weather
You may feel obligated to “ask about the weather”. Whether you’re actually asking about the weather, or the recipient’s family, or enquiring about a recent event at their workplace, it’s all just small talk.
Reconsider if this is really needed. If you feel strongly about it, go for it.
It’s more common to include small talk when first emailing someone or in the first reply to their email. You don’t need to ask about the weather if you’re already in the middle of an email chain, just get to it.
Whatever you do, don’t let your small talk run for more than one short sentence.
Acknowledging the request
You can start your email by acknowledging the request or invitation that you received. This shows the recipient that you appreciate their interest in your time or expertise.
- “Thank you for reaching out to me.”
- “I appreciate your invitation to attend the conference.”
- Or even a simple: “Thanks for this.”
There is no need to ask about the weather and acknowledge the request. Choose one or the other, so the start of your email doesn’t get too crowded.
Ending on a positive note
It’s a nice idea to end your email on a positive and courteous note. This leaves a good impression and can help maintain a positive relationship.
- “Thank you again for your offer.”
- “Let’s talk again soon.”
- “Let’s catch up for a coffee next week.”
- “I hope I can be of more help next time.”
- “Let me know how you get on and I’ll help where I can.”
No-nos for saying ‘no’
No, don’t start with a whole bunch of fluff. A quick acknowledgement or one sentence of polite small talk, then get straight to saying no. Respect your recipient by giving them their answer straight up. Nobody wants to read a life story of explanations just to hear “no” at the end of it. Explanations can come after the “no”.
No, don’t say you’ll “think about it” if you won’t. You don’t want to give the recipient false hope. It also avoids future unwanted communication on the topic.
No, don’t equivocate. This is when you use non-committal language to avoid something, without actually saying no. Equivocation is a waste of everyone’s time and emotional energy, and can actually feel worse for the recipient than getting a clear “no”.
No, don’t start your email off with waffly statements like “I just wanted to drop you a line to talk about something.” You’re allowed to say no to things.
No, don’t let your email become too long. There’s no need! Keep it simple.
Bring it all together: Example emails for saying ‘no’
A polite way to say no to a quote request you can’t fulfil:
Dear Oliver,
Thanks for your enquiry, I really appreciate you reaching out to us. Unfortunately we can’t do this job for you, because it’s outside of our area of expertise.
I can recommend a very good crew that we work with a lot on this sort of thing – give Henare at Notarealcompany a call on 03 123 4567.I’d love to hear from you about your next design or copywriting project. Feel free to get in touch any time.
Kind regards, Jamie
This one is a bit more of an informal way to decline a meeting, perhaps to someone you deal with on a daily basis.
Hi Isla,
That’s a no from me, sorry. I’m all tied up for the rest of the week. Reschedule to Monday 10am?
Cheers, Jamie
And finally, politely but firmly saying no to a cold call:
Hello Tim,
Thank you but, I’m not interested.
All the best, Jamie
Want help?
Wordshop runs group and individual training sessions, online or in person in Christchurch, New Zealand. We can run a quick fun workshop on polite emailing techniques, or a full-on workplace training session on professional communication and writing style.